To the point
Searching for news, updates, and events on things or people you don't like can leave you drained, frustrated, and in a darker place than when you started. But it many ways platforms encourage you to do exactly that for the click.
This week I found myself scanning news, social media, and other communities searching for news on the drama on the US House of Representatives. And doing so, I spent a LOT of time watching videos, reading articles looking details on what's happening.
Thankfully, during one of the lulls in the action, I found an article on Vox about hate-stalking and began pondering the impact internet usage and us as a society. (Timely and convicting considering what I was doing.) One of the big takeaways of the piece is that it's normal and uniquely human to do seek that info out. And suggested to not beat yourself up when you do that.
Setting Boundaries
One point they brought up was that of boundaries. By hate-stalking people online, no one knows for sure that you're doing it except you. However, while the other party doesn't know what's going on. You do. So now you have to start asking yourself.
How far you want to go?
If they are active on Facebook, Instagram, or other social media, you can go really far. One thing about public figures is that we have a lot of access to them. Especially compared to life pre-Facebook. So then how much time and energy do you want to give someone that you don't like?
Targeting Triggering
News platforms, Social Media, and writers worth their salt know what get clicks. If you study content creation you quickly learn how to write thumbnails, titles, and headlines that grab attention and get that click for the view.
This isn't bad in itself. However, when the hook triggers your hate-stalk session, you'll likely to click. And for many, that's the point. And we have an entire industry build on this model that isn't going away anytime soon. This isn't an internet / social media problem. Advertisements, news, radio, and other media have been doing this for a very long time. It has built many people's careers and will likely continue.
Forgiveness / Let it Go
The thing is, speaking for myself, when I do this I feel worse after the fact. Even if I find some validation or karmic justice in my journey. I come up back to the surface finding nothing really changed. Baby still hungry, bills still needs to be paid, and life moves on. Except now I have to deal with at least two additional things.
Guilt of all the time I lost going down this road.
or
Anticipating what's next, distracting me from what's in front of me.
The journey grips me and doesn't let me go. And it really doesn't impact who I'm focused on, it only impacts me. And overall it's not a positive look
Whether if its a person or a group, forgiveness allows me to let it go. It can be really hard at first, but I've never had any long term regrets forgiving people or letting go of things that was doing more harm than good in my life.
This Week's Challenge
The first step in solving this type of problem is to admit there is a problem. So take time and reflect if you are hate-stalking someone.
If so, then challenge yourself to not do it for a period of time that make sense for your current situation. Define the time, a day, week, month or something else. The goal is to completely let it go, but cut yourself slack if you can't go cold turkey. Taking it a step at a time will help you get out of that pattern and eventually kick it for good.
Reference
Vox - Why do we keep tabs on people we can't stand? - Angel Martinez
